Our Song Read online

  She frowned, she’d thought the door was locked.

  “I borrowed your spare keys yesterday and hoped you wouldn’t notice them missing.” JD pulled them out of his pocket and held them up, dangling from one finger, until she took them back, slipping them into her own pocket.

  “How did you know today was my birthday?”

  “I checked out your driver’s license when you weren’t paying attention. I just wanted to get the date right.” He looked contrite.

  “I just can’t believe I was such a sucker that you were doing all this when I wasn’t paying attention.” She pulled another piece of chicken from the bone with her fingertips. “You had Daniel in on it, too.”

  JD grinned, “Yup, and he did a good job.” That elicited a high-five from Daniel who just laughed then helped himself to more cake. “He was supposed to get you to watch a movie with him, so we could set up without being heard.”

  “Mom almost fell asleep.”

  JD laughed, and Kelsey confessed, “It’s true. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen all or part of Peter Pan.”

  He didn’t respond, and so she pushed the wording out. “Thank you for all this, when I said my birthday was coming up, I didn’t intend for . . .” She swept her hand across the scene, even over to where only JD’s guitar remained standing in its holder.

  “I know you didn’t. That’s why it was fun.” His eyes were sincere, and his smile was small, but it encompassed his whole face. “Presents.”

  Huh?

  He jumped up and started picking up boxes from the pile that had been shoved to one end of the table. Each of the kids caught the cue and grabbed for them, pushing them in her face, with an ‘open mine’ or ‘mine first’. Allie topped the others with “Mommy, it’s nail polish, for our toes!”

  Kelsey opened Daniel’s first, which was a mini-muffin pan. To replace the one she’d burned. But, today she wasn’t worrying, so she pushed aside the problem that he was paying attention. Andie’s contained a tee shirt with silver filigree on it. “Wow, Andie, that’s pretty. Thank you.” That garnered a big hug and a smile.

  Then JD sheepishly handed his presents over. The first came in a white box, and contained a gorgeous square-cut vase with a flare at the top. As she turned it from side to side, it set little pitter-pats going in her chest. While she reminded herself that JD was out of her league, she was grateful for the sign that she was coming out of the fog Andrew’s death had left her in. “This is beautiful.”

  “You had a few along these lines on your mantle.” He looked almost apologetic.

  “I was never able to have glass in DC. So I started a little collection. Thank you.”

  The second present was a huge bouquet of short stemmed flowers, in a riot of reds and oranges, tied and ready to go into the vase, but far too many to fit in what he’d bought her.

  “I tried to get enough so you could fill all your vases.”

  She thanked him again and again, as they cleaned up and put the leftover food into her fridge. It was dark already, so JD packed up his guitar and hauled Andie home, with her now usual sullen pout.

  Kelsey tucked her kids into bed with a minimum of fuss because they were already worn out. Then she went into her living room where the Peter Pan menu was burning its way into the TV screen. She clicked the whole thing off, and admired her mantle, blooming in sunrise colors, then decided that thirty-two was looking light years better than thirty-one. She’d spent that birthday alone, in a city where she didn’t know anyone, convinced that she had made the wrong decision, and crying her eyes out over Andrew.

  Thirty-two had a surprise party and a live band that kicked some ass.

  Yes, things were looking up.

  Chapter 8

  JD eyed the computer screen. The market was in his favor, and that made him happy. It hadn’t been for a while, but these past two weeks it had turned around. He knew what it was to ride the tide—he’d been doing it all along. The pressure now was that he had a child that would lose everything if he failed. With everything else Andie had been through, she didn’t need that.

  He pushed a key and sold a huge quantity of penny-stock. The guys at the firm would laugh at him if they could see him now, if they knew how excited he was over two thousand dollars.

  He looked down at the shirt he had simply pulled from the closet this morning. It said something about not drinking and driving, and insinuated getting sucked off in a car. JD cringed, shrugged the shirt off, and tossed it into the trash. He was going to have to go through his entire wardrobe and throw out at least half his shirts. If Andie ever started speaking to him, she would ask what they meant. He really wasn’t up to lying or explaining.

  For the first time he considered his current wardrobe. He was wearing jeans and shirts and sneakers with holes, mostly as a grand F-you to his old way of life.

  He needed to clean up. He was a father now, and he wanted the best for Anderson Winslow Hewlitt. She bore his last name, if not his genetics. She looked enough like him that he wouldn’t spend his life fielding questions about whether she was his or not, and no one would tip her off. He and Andie could have that conversation maybe ten years down the road from now.

  JD sucked in a deep breath. He was wearing thin with Andie. It didn’t matter that she was a child and didn’t realize what she was doing. The only time she spoke to him was to demand something from TV. And he couldn’t afford it.

  He wouldn’t be affording them any time soon the way things were going. Supposedly, one of the execs from a big label had been in the crowd at last Thursday’s show, but the guys hadn’t heard anything. So there either wasn’t anyone there, or whoever had been there had not been excited about them. Both options boded equally poorly.

  A wardrobe upgrade and a job upgrade were in serious order. Hell, a whole life upgrade was called for here. He looked around the nearly empty condo. The PlayStation was about the only thing he had kept from his previous life. He wondered why he hadn’t saved the leather couch or the nice end tables. He had simply thrown the baby out with the bathwater.

  He noticed he had a serious tendency to do that. The wardrobe was just a symptom of quitting his job. He was even sloppier than the other guys in the band, and that was scary.

  He took a moment to stop and think about what things would be like if he stopped reacting and started choosing. He was learning to think where Andie was concerned. He saw that Kelsey always seemed to stop and wonder what they needed, why they were doing whatever was pissing her off. Of course, she’d had a husband that turned out to be sick, and sometimes violent. JD guessed you’d learn really quick to be thoughtful instead of reactionary in that case.

  But if he thought it through, what would he choose? He scanned the room and decided he’d have a cushier sofa, something deep with soft pillows, in a dark color that wouldn’t suffer if some of the guys spilled beer on it now and then. He’d hide the TV. He didn’t want Andie to think that the TV was the main point of the room, which it certainly looked like now. He’d wear nicer looking clothes. Comfortable clothing existed that didn’t have holes or logos.

  He scratched his belly and saw his sale go through as the screen flashed—two thousand and some change. He calculated out half the change and decided to spend it. Kelsey had Andie until three or four, and it was only noon. Clicking the computer off, he grabbed a garbage bag from under the kitchen sink, then hit the closet and rifled through everything, looking at it with new eyes.

  He couldn’t even wear half of these things into the store to get new clothes. No one would serve him if he looked that ratty. He stuffed shirts down into the bag, and shoved his sentimentality in with them. He didn’t need lewd reminders of white-water rafting trips or Mardi-Gras. He tied the bag and rolled it down the stairs, before stripping and climbing into the shower.

  Not five minutes later he was towel dried, wearing khakis and a clean, plain, fitted tee, standing in the driveway. He winced as he turned the key in the car door. The car looked as much lik
e an F-you to his old life as the clothes he’d just tossed. But he couldn’t just toss the car. Even with the minor windfall he’d just gotten, he wasn’t anywhere close to replacing it.

  He climbed behind the wheel, grateful that the condo had covered parking that helped keep the car cool. He only ran the AC when he had to, mostly when Andie was in the car. It was dripping into the passenger foot well, and he was afraid it was going to give out any second. Quickly recalculating, he decided to spend a little less today, and leave some for the AC repair he was certain was coming.

  Two hours later he was poorer in cash, but richer in shirts and pants. He was comfortable in his khakis and Doc Martens, he realized.

  But not the car. It wasn’t safe for Andie, he decided, as he glanced into the rearview mirror, where the new child seat looked anachronistic to the car around it. He just wasn’t sure how he was going to fund this new car.

  At three-thirty he walked over to pick up Andie. If it was just about him, or if it had been a daycare, he would have left her until the very last minute. They were both happier when they were apart. But he wasn’t going to do that to Kelsey. She had told him you don’t screw the babysitter, and while her meaning had been a little more literal, he figured it applied in this case too.

  That was another thing that had to go: Kelsey taking care of them. It had been one thing when it had looked like Andie was going to come around. But she hadn’t, at least not for him.

  Both Bethany and another sitter that Kelsey had recommended, had watched Andie, and both had found her ‘charming’ and ‘sweet’. JD wouldn’t believe those words had been applied to his little hell-demon, except that he witnessed it with Kelsey all the time. It did keep him from feeling guilty that he was out three to four nights a week practicing or playing gigs.

  He had racked up some serious trading debt with Kelsey as well. It seemed he was only paying his hours back about half as fast as he spent them. And he had no good excuse—Kelsey just didn’t seem to need him.

  He lifted her garage door, and then pulled it down, creaking, behind him, enveloping himself in the cool dark. With the spare key she had given to him after her birthday party last week, he let himself into the empty back yard.

  Kelsey answered his knock with her headset on and a pained expression across her face.

  “What’s wrong?” He pushed his way into the cool and closed the door behind himself as she walked away pressing her palm into her ribcage.

  “Don’t worry, it’s nothing.” But she took a quick gulp of air.

  He followed close on her heels, ignoring the kids because he could hear them playing together in the back bedroom. “It’s not nothing and you’re a bad liar. What gives?”

  She shook her head then confessed. “It’s hiccups.”

  He didn’t buy that for a hot second. “Hiccups?”

  “Yes, I’ve had them since two hours ago.” And this time when she gulped he realized that it had been involuntary.

  “So just sit really still for about five minutes.”

  She gave him a look that would have boiled cold water on sight.

  “Mom! Andie won’t let me have my dolly!” Allie appeared in the doorway, her face tear-streaked, perfect evidence for Kelsey’s state.

  “That is why I haven’t been able to get rid of these.”

  “Yeah, I figured that out about two seconds after I uttered my stupidity.”

  That changed her expression to a grin instantly, and JD was proud of himself, until she hiccupped and winced again. Her hand flew back to her ribcage, her sweet hazel eyes widening.

  “I could scare you.” He volunteered.

  She shook her head. “Can you let me lie down, uninterrupted, for about ten minutes?”

  “You got it.” He followed her into the living room, where she peeled off the headset before stretching out on the couch. He lowered himself quietly into the armchair that sat at a right angle.

  Kelsey even had comfy furniture. It wasn’t the leather he’d given up with his condo, but was nice enough despite the quilt thrown over it.

  After a minute of contemplating the furnishings, he turned his attentions to the woman occupying the couch. Her long summer-tanned legs stretched from shorts to their perch on the armrest, looking casually graceful in white Keds. Her face was almost relaxed, except her lips held just the tiniest pout. And, oh god, don’t let her open her eyes and catch him looking at her.

  He glanced away, but his thoughts didn’t change direction with his gaze. He bet, if he just leaned over and kissed her right now, that he’d startle her enough that those hiccups wouldn’t ever come back.

  He’d been having these thoughts for a while. At first, they had lingered undeveloped in the back of his head. Then he’d dreamed about her the night before her birthday, some erotic scene from a movie, only it was Kelsey crawling across the covers like a cat, wearing only some unidentifiable filmy white thing. In the dream it hadn’t surprised him. It hadn’t really surprised him when he woke up either.

  He heard her deep intake of air, and her lips un-pursed, just a little.

  He heard her voice. You don’t screw the baby-sitter.

  She’d been talking about Bethany, and she’d been right: Bethany was hot. But Bethany was twenty and acted twenty. Bethany needed a frat boy.

  Of course, Kelsey had thought that of him, because he sure looked like his old frat-boy self. It had been a shock to find Kelsey’s birthday on her driver’s license. He’d startled when he read that her birth-year was before his. He’d done the math and figured out it was her thirty-second birthday. That put her just over three years older than him.

  No wonder she’d been so shocked that he’d once worn suits and had a real job.

  A vocal scuffle between all three kids caught his attention and pulled him from his thoughts. Hopping up, so that Kelsey wouldn’t be disturbed by it, he broke up the mild melee and told Andie that it was time to start getting ready to go.

  She protested, loudly, again making him grind his teeth. JD desperately wanted to not care, but if he didn’t care, then Andie would be with a foster family.

  He put up his usual battle, and finally got her shoes on her and the doll she had brought gathered up. As he stretched up, turning to go check on Kelsey, he almost ran into her. She had planted herself in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest.

  “Are you feeling better?” She didn’t really look it. JD hoped she hadn’t gotten up, thinking he couldn’t deal with his daughter. He could deal with Andie, just not well.

  Kelsey absently replied, ‘yes, thank you’, but she didn’t look at him. She stared at Andie. “Young lady, you owe your Daddy an apology.”

  “Why?” Andie sulked.

  Oh, no. JD thought.

  “Because, he’s been nothing but nice to you, and you have been rude to him at every turn.”

  “So?” There was a defiance in her voice that he hadn’t heard in a while. He had thought that maybe she was coming around, but perhaps she was simply seething quietly. “I don’t need a Daddy.”

  Kelsey stepped into the room and squared herself off with his daughter. “Everyone needs a Daddy.”

  “No they don’t!” Andie bordered on screaming. “Daniel and Allie don’t. You are just fine with only a Mommy, that’s the way it should be!”

  JD almost stepped back, the look on Kelsey’s face was vicious. She’d lost her husband just over a year ago, and he knew, even if Andie didn’t, what a viper pit his daughter had jumped into. His response was almost to step in front of Andie and end this, but Kelsey must have seen some movement in him. While her gaze didn’t stray from Andie, her hand came out in a subtle motion telling him to back down.

  Her voice was soft, but deadly. “You have no idea how much Daniel and Allie would love to have a Daddy like JD.”

  “They can have him!” It was a full wail as she shoved past Kelsey and down the hall, they heard the front door rattle then slam as she let herself out.

  “Jesus.” JD let t
he breath out of his lungs as his body automatically followed Andie, the adrenaline controlling his movements when his brain didn’t. His feet pounded down the front walk, then hit the sidewalk, skidding to a halt.

  He frantically looked both ways, only to see the pink tail of her dress disappear behind the Henderson’s hedge. He stayed put this time, only after two full, deep breaths did he realize that his teeth were so tight he was about to crack them.

  A small hand appeared against his back, making him jump then sigh. “I wonder what Mrs. Henderson thinks of me.”

  “Only good things. I talked to her about Andie after that first day we met.”

  “Thank you.”

  He turned to face her, only to find that her eyes were swimming with unshed tears. “I’m so sorry, I thought I could-”

  “Don’t. It wasn’t you. It’s Andie. She hates me.” He felt his hands reach for her, but stopped them. “She’s great for Bethany. It’s just me.”

  Kelsey shook her head. “It isn’t you. I’ve watched her. She hates men. You said she kicked TJ, and at the party she wouldn’t go near any of the guys. It’s not you.”

  Even if he believed her, it didn’t change anything. Andie wouldn’t be happy with him. She simply refused.

  He started down the sidewalk to fetch her from the Hendersons’, but Kelsey put her hand flat against his chest. “Let me. I started it, and she’ll be less trouble for me.”

  He agreed, still taking deep breaths. Already missing the feel of her hand against him, he watched as her long strides ate up the sidewalk. Turning, he went back inside to explain to Daniel and Allie where their mother had gone. At least they didn’t hate him.

  He watched out the front window until he saw Kelsey, hand in hand with a clearly petulant Andie, coming down the walk. What he wouldn’t give to hear what they were saying, but they were beyond the glass and beyond him, both of them.